Our doubts are traitors

I’m feeling uninspired.  I’ve got this autoimmune problem hanging over my head, it’s affecting my home life and my ability to work.  It’s disheartening.  I’m tired, in pain, and in general, have lost my gusto.

I’m starting to have more good days than bad days, but in addition to the joint and muscle pain, my eyes have become so dry that I’m constantly blinking to clear my vision.  It’s distracting and it is a continual reminder that I have lost control of my body.  Not that I had great control to begin with, but at least it was functioning mostly as it should.  Now it’s attacking anything and everything and I can’t seem to forget it for one second.

I am notorious for self sabotage, so I haven’t fully committed to an elimination diet yet. (They want me to give up MORE?!) I have to get rid of all the foods (and there are a lot for me) that are the root cause of my inflammation, and I have to heal my leaky gut, which is the cause of all the food allergies.  This will take time and consistent commitment.

I’m working through my anger and grieving for the time when I didn’t have to think so much about everything.  It’s all-consuming: What you can/can’t eat, meal-planning, shopping, thinking some more. Not to mention, the loads of conflicting information out there AND having to explain (and sometimes defend) your dietary choices to everyone.  I cannot keep it all straight.  It’s extremely exhausting, especially with the associated brain fog.

BUT I will press on.  I will eventually bite the bullet and hopefully progress will keep me from giving up.  Fingers crossed.



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